How do you do
(This should be spoken aloud in a dry London upper class accent for full effect)
Myself and my friend Clifford went out for a quiet brew last night.
Well the local rugby club was having Christmas libations of a complimentary nature; there for I partook in mine own fair share (and perhaps a little more
) and proceeded to the state of inebriation at all speed. Once at my desired destination
Thought it prudent to join the rest of the gents for good conversation 
at the local public house. After a few hours of polite discussion I called the little women to tell her were I was and how I was feelling, fair maiden was unfortunately a guest of her parents hospitality and the call was not much appreciated. I then decided to clear my head and walk home for a good nights sleep; during the journey my mother’s driver prevailed upon me to accept the offer of a ride home. I graciously accepted and was on my merry way, upon arriving home I had the butler make me a snack and retired for the evening.
That’s the truth and I'm sticking to it.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.